🖤 Returning to myself

There is a quiet grief
it doesn’t come from betrayal
or slammed doors
or shattered glass.

It comes from loving someone fully
and slowly realizing
you began orbiting their world
instead of standing in your own.

Morning calls.
Afternoon texts.
Pictures for Proof of Life

Parallel but so far away.

We read books together.
Understood her patterns.
Calculated the communication timing.
Held my longing like something fragile.
Swallowed my desire.

I spent energy trying to brighten the days that she chose to spend in a dungeon of her own making.

None of it was manipulation.
It was love.

But it was also over-functioning.

In the past month, there was a quiet where the calls stopped. The waiting dissolved. The space became real and tangible. During this time, I noticed something.

When I stopped orbiting someones availability,
I expanded.

My mornings became mine.
My focus sharpened.
My energy returned to my own hands.
I accomplished more in one month
than I had in seasons of divided attention.

I read once that if someone is truly your mirror,
the way to align the energy is to do the work yourself.

So I am.

Not to pull her back into my orbit.
Not to prove I was worthy.
Not to be chosen.

But to return to myself.

When I see her again-
I will be standing in my own power.
I will be strong enough in my own path. I will share how far I have come. I will ask how she is.
To know she is okay.
To know she is growing too.

Not to rescue.
Not to reattach.
Not to reopen chaos.

Just care.

I miss her.
I probably will for a while.

But I can miss someone
and still honor myself.

I can love someone
and still leave them alone.

And even if I never see her again,
I know this —

I was the best version of me
I loved honestly.
I showed up fully.

Now I return home.